Thank you for loving me
by Robin-Marian-Fan
Summary: When something tragic happens in her life can Marian overcome it from the help of the gang? Can she live without that special someone? A story of someone over coming their lonliness, learning to love again, could a suprise change her life yet again? R/M
1. Thank You For Loving Me

_**Thank you for loving me**_

_**For being my eyes**_

_**When I couldn't see**_

_**For parting my lips**_

_**When I couldn't breath**_

_**Thank you for loving me**_

_**Thank you for loving me.**_

_This can't be happening. It just can't._

I watched as the coffin was lowered into the ground, my heart breaking each time they lowered it into the dry, cold dirt, we'd said all we needed to say when they brought his body home, early when we were asked to make a eulogy about him.

My husband, friend, lover, confidant, everything I had ever wanted. God cheated me out of that after three years of marriage and a life time of love; we'd been together since we were sixteen.

I watched as my friends comfort each other, I tried not to cry as I realized there was no one to comfort me. I felt an arm lay heavily across my shoulders as I was pulled into his side gently.

"We all miss him so much, we're here for you, don't shut us out," he whispered into my ear, I nodded to show him I understood his request, "We love you sweetheart, he'd want you to be taken care of,"

I felt the traitorous tear slip from my eye down my cheek, "I know he would,"

I lost my faith in god the day he took him from me, the day he took my heart, my soul; I may as well be dead.

I sure as hell felt like it.

I watched, numb all over as prayer was said, I vaguely remember throwing dirt onto his coffin, then a red rose to signify that he's taking my love with him, wherever he goes.

"He's gonna give them hell up there," my friend smirked looking up to the clear blue summer sky, "Probably trying to charm himself through the gates,"

I laughed tearfully, "I bet he's giving Casanova a run for his money,"

"I ain't bein' funny right, but he was the modern Casanova, I think they were related you know," Allan smiled, thinking of his best friend. After a pause he continues coming, "Kate sends her apologize, but we couldn't risk it, not with the baby overdue,"

I nod in understanding, "He's going to be sorry he missed his nephew enter the world,"

I turn back to the newly made grave, just staring into it, separated from him by a piece of wood, a piece of lame wood that I couldn't get past to reach him when I finally had the breakdown in the church.

_He's not the person you loved, just a shell that held his beautiful soul for twenty five years of his life_ that's the shit that people fed me, the shit that kept them from breaking down.

But he would always be the man I loved, the man I would love for the rest of my life until the day I died, "Come on, we've got a wake to get to," Allan said dragging me softly away.

"I love you," I muttered one last time turning back, before I let Allan lead me to the car waiting to carry us on to the rest of our lives.

I felt like I was looking down n myself, shaking the hands of people who came to wish my husband luck on the last part of his life journey.

"We're sorry for your loss, he was taken from us too soon," one mourner said, before softly hugging me.

I contemplated what she said, "I know he was, thank you," I tried to smile as the next one came to stand in front of me. What I wanted to do was scream at them and tell them all to go away, that he was taken from _me_.

This was the part I hated, where everyone would gather round and tell stories about his life, about what they shared with him, about the things they would do together, but none of these people _knew _him, really knew him like I did…like _we_ did.

"I remember when he took me fishing, he fell right into the river and had to travel back wet, getting water all in my car…you know what he said…" The man paused, looking around with a smile on his face, "…He said 'Don't tell the wife, she'd kill me, I only brought this jeans the other day,'" I heard the laughter.

Typical, I rolled my eyes, still to raw to smile.

Another person spoke up, "I remember when we first met him, he bragged about his beautiful wife and how she made a mean lasagna," that earned a few chuckles around the room, I felt as though we should've been around a camp fire, all wrapped in blankets, under the stars.

"I remember the first day we met," I spoke softly, people turned to me, softly smiling, waiting patiently as I licked my lips,

It was a hot day…_ "Alright beautiful," I turned to see a boy with brown hair, his fringe over one eye, standing cockily._

"_Excuse me?" I raised one eyebrow; I wasn't close enough to get a proper look now, as I stopped to face him, _

"_You heard me…fancy a date?" he called back, his friends snickering behind him, "What's your name sweetheart?"_

_I shook my head, not bothering to answer as I stalked down the road, already late to meet friends of mine, I felt someone following me, "Don't you ever give up? I've known you for less than five minutes and already I want to hit you," I demanded to know, whirling round to face him. I just about stopped the gasp from slipping between my lips, this boy was gorgeous I couldn't help thinking. His hair did curl at the nape of his neck and it did hang over his right eye sexily a deep rich chocolate brown, his jade green eyes shining at me in pure mischief. I could tell he had a nice physique, even though he was only sixteen at the time._

"_Not really," he shrugged, slipping his hands into his jean that hung low on his hips, "I prefer to live life on the spur of the moment," _

_I nodded in contemplation, "Marian…" I sighed, "My name is Marian Knighton,"_

_I watched as he broke out into the most beautiful crooked grin that would bring every single girl to her knees._

"_Robin Locksley at your service," he mock bowed taking my hand a kissing it gently"_

I paused as I looked at the faces around me, eyes filled with tears, some where even crying, "That was the first time I felt the spark on my skin and it certainly wasn't the last,"

Our relationship wasn't perfect, by all means, we had arguments over stupid things, I remember the first argument we ever had, it was over our new next door neighbor Isabelle Gisbourne.

"_Are you kidding me?!" Robin laughed as I confronted him about it._

"_Well how do you think it looks when you spend all your time over there, leaving me here, listening to you laughing through the open windows," I yelled throwing my arm out, "You need to sort your priorities out Robin,"_

"_You are my priority, you have been since we were sixteen for god's sake," Robin roared. "I can't believe you'd think I'd cheat on you. I love you Marian! Not her,"_

_I blanched, that was the second time he'd told me, the first was at prom, while we were dancing to Aerosmith's I don't wanna miss a thing. Cheesy I know, but it was pure Robin. "I hear her stupid little giggle through the walls at something you say every night, while I lay alone in bed wondering, torturing myself, thinking of what you were doing when everything was silent," I shook my head, I hated sounding like a possessive wife and we weren't even married yet._

"_This is stupid Marian, how could you think I would ever cheat on you? When have I ever given you reason to believe that I would?" Robin shouted slamming his hand down on the marble kitchen counter._

_I breathed heavily through my nose, trying to calm myself down, "When we first started dating I accepted you were a natural flirt with all the girls, but this is taking the piss,"_

"_So what now Marian?" he yelled, "…You want me to stop talking to her?"_

"_If that's what it takes," I shouted, ignoring the knock on the back door, "…Three fucking guesses who that could be," _

_Robin sighed hanging his head, before pushing himself off the counter and towards the back door, I stood silently watching him as he swung it open revealing Isabelle, tears streaked her cheeks._

_I rolled my eyes, unfuckingbelievable._

"_Isabelle…what's wrong?" Robin asked, concern lacing his tone, Isabelle looked at Robin, then over his shoulder at me, she must've noticed my heaving chest and red face._

"_Am I interrupting something?" she sniffled, like she was a fucking saint._

"_We're done, you can have him now," I said, making sure both of them heard the double meaning in my tone. I knew I was being unreasonable and jealous, but this woman was taking up all his time, we used to do everything together, and now I'd find myself going out alone while he helped her with fixing up her house, but I just couldn't help it._

"_Marian…" Robin started turning to face me, _

_I held up my hand, "I'm going out, I don't know what time I'll be back." I reached for my keys and jacket, not bothering to glance back._

We were both so stupid back then, so young; we thought we could take the world on, if we were together.

"Come on Marian…everyone's left now, let's get you home," Djaq said softly, guiding me to her car, "Will and Allan are just cleaning up, they'll join us later,"

"Thank you Djaq, for organizing the wake, I don't know what I'd do without you all," I stopped suddenly, gathering my oldest and best friend into a tight hug.

"It's what we're here for, Allan's right, you can clean on us if you need help," Djaq whispered in my ear, "You need to get some rest,"

I nodded my head as I let her take me the rest of the way to the car and then home.

**RMRM**

As soon as I opened the door I was hit with the memories, or Robin running down the stairs late for work, I could smell his aftershave that still lingered in the air. I made my way to the kitchen where I saw Robin leaning on the counter, taking a drink out of his own special cup I brought him for our first anniversary since we've been together.

It was still on the side, waiting to be washed up.

"Marian?" Djaq questioned as I made my way over to the sink, picking it up and holding it to my chest.

"I can't do it Djaq," My hands start to shake, as I try not to drop the mug, "I can't go on without him,"

I shook my head. I just couldn't, I couldn't deal with not seeing him every day, I couldn't deal with the fact that I would never hear his voice reassure me, or his arms wrapped around me at night, the way he'd sing in the kitchen while he helped me wash up.

I couldn't deal with the fact that I would never hear him say _I love you_ anymore.

"I miss him Djaq," I whispered, trying my hardest not to cry, I've been strong so far, not letting many people see me cry, I keep that for the night, because it's so damn lonely.

"I know you do sweetheart, we all do, but he'd want us to get on with our lives," Djaq sighed, coming to comfort me as I dropped down into one of the kitchen chairs.

I laughed shakily, "That's the thing…" I paused, trying to sort through my jumbled thoughts, "I don't think I can,"

"That'll be Will and Allan," Djaq smiled softly as they heard the door open, then voices fill the hallway.

I couldn't help but think about how Djaq still had Will and Kate still had Allan, I hated feeling bitter towards my best friends, who could move on with their lives, start families, while I had nothing to remind me of Robin, nothing to hold in my arms and rock to sleep, only memories, memories that I will keep with me forever.

"Alright, everything's taken care of," Allan smiled as Will followed him through the door, I could feel myself frowning slightly, it's not right, Robin should have followed them in, giving me a cheeky little wink as he came to kiss me lightly in greeting.

I looked around the kitchen; the color theme was entirely Robin.

"_I think we should have it green," Robin declared, standing in the middle of the bare kitchen, hands on his hips,_

"_Green… Are you joking?" I laughed coming to join him; we were still waiting on the delivery men with all out furniture._

"_No…"Robin turned to face me, "A nice mint green, or blue…that way I can come into the kitchen every morning and be reminded of your eyes," He grinned as he invited me to step into his arms._

"_I see you haven't lost your charm," I rolled my eyes, smirking as I wrapped my hands around his waist._

"_You haven't worn me down yet Maiden," Robin laughed as he tilted her head up so he could gently caress her lips with his thumb, before ducking his head and placing feather light kisses on her lips, until it gradually became something more._

"_Think about it…" Robin chuckled as he pulled his shirt back over his head, "At least we can tick the kitchen off our list or rooms to be christened,"_

_I laughed out loud, "And when did we decide on this list exactly?" I pulled my hair back up into the ponytail that Robin had so graciously tugged it out off._

"_It's a rule Maiden and rules can't be broken," Robin winked, flashing me that famous Locksley grin._

I looked at the faded mint green paint, he could always get his way so easily, I sighed to myself, catching the attention of the others.

"Everything ok?" Will asked, looking down at her softly,

"Yes…just thinking," I said, looking down at the mug in my hands, the last thing Robin held that day. "You know, Robin chose this color," everyone looked at each other, this was the first time that I'd spoken his name out loud since he died, the first time I'd spoken _about_ him since he died.

"I should go, I don't want to leave Kate for too long on her own," Allan said, rubbing the back of his neck,

"Send her our…my love," I corrected myself, looking down at my ring as I subconsciously played with my wedding and engagement ring.


	2. Thinking Of You

Four days.

That's how long it's been since the life I once knew collapsed around me.

God, when will this ever stop? The pain, the loneliness, but then again I suppose that never goes away, that feeling that you'll never be whole. No matter what happens in your life.

Everyone says it will get better with time, but I honestly don't think it will. What do they know? They're probably at home right now, talking and laughing with the person that they love.

Not sat here like me, in the dark, staring at the empty chair where Robin would sprawl out on after a long day working.

I remember when we brought it, Jesus, do I remember, I remember every single memory that involves Robin Locksley.

Sometime I wish I didn't. Sometimes I just wish I could forget everything, just for one day.

The tears stopped a couple of days ago, I don't know what to think of that, whether I should feel better, or try and cry some more.

Either way, they don't come.

There's this gaping hole in my chest, I don't know how to get rid of it, or fill it.

Theses day's I just don't know anything. I'm just one big giant walking mess and it's pitifully. The pathetic thing is that I can't find it in myself to care about what people think.

My one biggest regret is never having children with Robin. Oh we talked about it, boy, did we talk about it, we were going to try. When the time was right, I just wished that we talked and tried sooner, that way I'd have something of Robin's forever to keep with me.

"Marian?" I hear Allan call for me in the hallway, but I make no move to get up.

"In here Allan… How's Kate?" I ask when he comes into the doorway, "Not long now."

"She's holding up…I know, bit scary actually," Allan paused, coming to sit down next to me, because no one sat in Robin's chair, not anymore, "I'm in charge of this little person's life, I'm barely in charge of my own."

"It will all fall into place when he arrives, it's all about adjusting," I reply, I'm now officially a hypocrite, look at me, my life changed and I'm not adjusting, not in the slightest.

"Grab your coat, I'm taking you for dinner Marian, it's not healthy sitting in all day, just staring, not even eating. We're worried about you. You can't keep living like this." Allan said as he leant forward on his knees, "We all miss him Marian, but by living and carrying on with our lives, we're making him live on with us."

I sigh, "I wish it was that easy Allan. You have Kate, Djaq has Will…. I have no one."

"You're wrong,' Allan shook his head, "You have us and we want to be here for you, you've got to let us in."

I nod, it's the only thing I can do. I have nothing to say about anything, I'm no longer the feisty Marian Locksley.

The fight has gone, died with Robin, four days ago.

"Please Marian," Allan pleaded, "You're like a sister to me, and I hate seeing you like this, I ain't being funny but you really need to get out the house,"

"It's the only place where I can feel him around me," I say softly, "Please don't make me leave him, not again"

I hear Allan heave a sigh, then stand up, leaving his dent in the other side of the sofa, "I tried Marian, honestly I did. You just let us know when you're ready."

I nod again, just happy to be left alone with my thoughts, I can hear Robin in my head, shaking his head saying I should have gone with him. That it wasn't doing me any good staying in all day.

That chair never leaves my sight, if I stare long enough without blinking I can almost see his outline, one leg over the arm, the other leg stretched out in front of him, remote in the other hand that's slung across the back of it.

"_Maiden… I've been at work all day, let me have this hour to unwind," Robin grinned cheekily, why is it whenever he uses my nickname, my legs turn to jelly, still, after all this time!_

"_Robin… we need to be out of the house in an hour! We're meeting Allan and Kate! Please don't tell me you forgot," Typical Robin._

"_How could I forget… Come here Mrs. Locksley, I don't believe I've had a kiss from my beautiful wife yet," He beckons me to him with the arm that isn't thrown over the back of that stupid chair. _

_I roll my eyes, "One kiss and you're getting ready," _

"_One kiss? I'm offended." Robin grinned, pulling me down onto his lap, laughing. 'I never have only one kiss from you Maiden."_

_To prove his point he bends his head so our lips touch, as he caresses my lips with his tongue, begging for me to let him in, which I obviously do, because he's right. I can't ever have just one kiss from him. My hands find the way to the little curls on the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me, as our tongue's meet. I pull away first, because I'm an idiot, "More of that later if you're good," I wink getting up and starting for the stairs._

"_One hour? I can get ready in five minutes if I want to," Robin laughs again, getting up out of the chair, coming to stand behind me. "Besides, I can't think of something else we can be doing instead," He whispers in my ear, nipping the side of my neck as he pulls me into his chest._

I'd do anything to get him back here, with me.

Anything.

_**Please let me know what you think!... this is just kind of**__**a filler chapter! To get me started again, because I'm slightly rusty haha!**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**RMF'x**_


	3. Nine Months

**Guess who! **

**So I kept you all waiting which I'm really sorry about!**

**Hopefully this chapter does the wait justice!**

**Also I think I'm in need of a beta! So if any of you have any suggestions I'm all ears!**

**This is just really a short chapter to get me used to writing again along with a filler!**

What the hell am I doing here? I shouldn't be here! I should be at home with Robin; I don't want him to think I've abandoned him.

I pace in the family room, to restless to sit for too long. I sigh wearily, looking at the clock on the wall, Four o'clock in the morning and we are all scattered around the large waiting room.

Djaq was asleep with her head on Will's lap.

"Marian…Are you ok?" Will asked, watching me pace.

"Not really," I flash him a small smile, chewing my thumbnail, "I should go home and check that everything is ok." I start for the door, just in time for it to be thrown open.

Allan stood there, out of breath, "Jesus, the blood. It was horrific."

Djaq stirred from her sleep, seeing Allan, "Is that all you came here to tell us?" She yawned, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "No news?"

"Oh right, that," Allan shook his head, "It's a boy!" He cheered, accepting hugs from us all.

"Robin would be so proud of you both right now." I whispered in his ear before pulling away.

I keep expecting to see him sitting in the corner, with that smirk on his face, waiting to congratulate his brother-in-law for giving him a healthy nephew. I tried to blink away the tears before anyone noticed.

I would not be the victim anymore.

**RMRMRMRMRM**

"_I can't believe my little sister is having a baby." Robin shook his head, smiling to himself, "She'll make an amazing mother."_

_I snuggled closer to him, as he gently stroked my naked back, "Who would have thought, especially with Allan of all people. Do you remember how they used to fight like cat and dog?" I giggled, "They'll be amazing parents!"_

_I felt the soft pressure of Robin's lips against the top of my head, "How about we give them a little niece or nephew as a thank you?"_

_I froze, I've never heard Robin talk about having children, "I always thought you didn't want any," I tilt my head up to look at him, "I assumed because you didn't talk about it…you know…"_

"_Of course I want children with you Marian, I'd be a mad man not to," Robin chuckled, kissing me gently on the lips, "I'm looking forward to the practicing bit."_

_I rolled my eyes, "There's my husband, the horny bastard."_

"_I try…" He growled, throwing the covers over our heads._

"_Robin!" I giggled as he nipped at my neck, "We're going to be late!"_

"_Who cares?" He moaned, before a knock at the door stopped us from going any further. _

"_I'll get it, hurry and get dressed," I laughed, as I heard him growl before throwing the sheets back and rummaging around for his discarded clothes._

"_I am serious though Maiden…I want to start a family," _

"_Soon my love." I smiled softly, blowing him a kiss._

**RMRMRMRMRMRMRMRM**

It's hard to believe that was nine months ago. How things changed so suddenly.

Nine months ago I was happy.

Nine months ago I had a husband.

Nine months ago I was going to start a family.

Nine fucking months it took for my world to be ripped apart.

Nine months later I am a widow.

"Do you want to see him?" Allan asked me softly, bringing me from my memories, "I'll take you."

"What about you two?" I asked Djaq, who was sat in Will's embrace, "Don't you want to come?

"We think you should have time by yourself," Djaq smiled softly.

"Come on," Allan said, leading me down the white hallway, making a right then another right, before we came to the door of his and Kate's private room at the end of the hallway. "Ready?"

I took a deep breathe, "As ready as I'll ever be." I watched Allan turn the knob as he let the door swing open slightly. As soon as my eyes locked onto Kate with her son in her arms, all I saw was my Robin, leaning over them, his arm resting across the top of the bed, looking down at his nephew with his sparkling eyes, the grin on his face breath taking.

I walk in slowly, not wanting to disturb the picture in my head, wanting to hold him there as long as possible.

"Marian…" Kate smiled, watching me walk up to her, "Meet Carter Robin A Dale.

I gasped, the tears blurring Kate and Carter, "Oh Kate!" I hug her as close to me as I can.

"Do you want to hold him?"

"Of course I do," I sniffed, taking him from his mother, I looked down at him, I knew it wasn't possible but he looked so much like Robin.

"Your Uncle can't be here today, but I know for a fact, he's smiling down on you…on us all," I murmured, stroking the side of his face gently, as he slept.


End file.
